It is important to be a good listener in Relationships

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Have you ever felt annoyed or irritated when constantly listening to your partner mumbling without giving you a chance to speak? It’s a fact that human beings only have an average attention span of just 8 seconds. However, it is crucial to be a good listener in order to have a successful and long-lasting relationship, here's why and how.

Learning how to become a better listener has the potential to save your relationship, you have probably come across many instances where you always hear your partner say “you don’t understand me” or “you aren’t listening to me” and you know know how painful and irritating it can get when you are unable to connect with your partner. Research shows that men interrupt women way more often, and another research also shows that men tend to focus more on solutions whereas women focus more on confirmation and connection which means that arguments and fights can easily get started, especially if the man just tries to give advice straight up without even listening. By communicating and listening more to your partner, your relationship will have a much better chance to become successful and research shows that you will get 93% more wealth if you are in a successful marriage, increased lifespan, and also be more productive at work as having a great relationship makes you better and more productive. God gave us 2 ears and 1 month for a reason so it is important to become a better listener.

How do you know if you actually need to improve your listening skills

Most of us could benefit from being a better listener, but there are signs that could help indicate a major need for improvement. If communications in your relationships are one-way most of the time, then it isn’t healthy for both of you. Communications should involve both partners doing their best to share and also sit back and give the other space to do the same. If you are the type of person who always steers the conversation back to you then it indicates to your partner that you are selfish and you do not have respect and consideration for them it shows to them that you love yourself and not others. Furthermore, if you are the type of person who rushes the conversation when the other person is trying to make a point, then you are showing them that you are an impatient person which could make them feel more insecure and they might even try to avoid you, making your relationship worse. Furthermore, if you do not make eye contact or if you do not show any interest at all by engaging with your partner while they are telling you something then you will definitely be seen as not caring enough to listen. When your partner is talking, if you do not actually absorb what they are saying and instead start formulating your own response in your own mind for your argument then that is not helpful at all and will only cause more misunderstandings between you and your partner. If you get defensive when your partner discusses challenging or awkward things with you then it can seem to them that they cannot build trust with you, making it even harder for them to confide with you in the future. If you are the type of person who always interrupts or dismisses whatever your partner is saying or you always jump to conclusions without hearing them out and causing fights and misunderstandings then you definitely need to learn how to listen.

How to be a better Listener and empower your relationship

Improving your listening skills is one of the most simple and effective ways for you to improve your relationship is to learn how to become a better listener. Even though it might be tough at the beginning and you might not be used to it, there are plenty of ways in which you can become a better listener.

  1. Ask open-ended questions- Asking questions is one of the easiest ways for you to show someone that you are listening and you actually care about what they are saying. You should also encourage your partner to talk to you more freely by actively listening to what they are saying and possibly asking them how they feel and to give more details about what they are currently experiencing so that they can feel heard.
  2. Have a balance between talking and listening- It’s completely normal for one partner to talk more than the other, but in order to make relationships healthy, you should try to balance it out and talk as much as you listen. The balance should be slowly shifted to the center where both of you talk and listen equally, this will allow both you and your partner to share thoughts and emotions. 
  3. Change your perspective- Most of us see communication as a way for us to share our own ideas rather than see it as an opportunity to learn new ideas and about others. This perspective needs to change as in order to become more open to each other, do not see listening as a burden, see it as a valuable opportunity for you to learn more about them. This will help your partner feel heard and valued which will do wonders for your relationship. You should also make a conscious effort to change yourself from the inside-out in order to make yourself more open, try to deal with the issues within yourself that prevent you from opening up to others so that you can also share your thoughts and emotions making both you and your partner understand each other better.
  4. Leave out Judgements- Judgements create walls between any relationship, whether it's your family, friend or your spouse. You should never judge your partner under any circumstances, if you love someone you must accept who they are and not guilting them into being someone they are not meant to be. When you and your partner can start communicating as equals then you will constantly come up to each other and communicate without any judgments or assumptions. A tip to do this is to clear up your head before listening to your partner so that you do not form judgements and conclusions before they are done explaining themselves and giving you every detail. You should also make it clear to them that you understand and acknowledge that their life is their own and they are free to make their own choices. The more you are able to grow, the more your relationship will thrive.

Improving your listening skills is one of the easiest way for you to improve or even save your relationship, try to listen and understand to what your partner is telling you and make them feel heard and value so that your relationship will thrive and there will be no misunderstandings that occurs when you do not listen and constantly jump to conclusions. If you want to live a happy life then you must also have an excellent relationship with your partner and spouse as they say “happy wife, happy life.”If you need professional help or someone to talk to about your relationship in order to find out the cause of your unhappiness and suggest ways to improve it then do not hesitate to contact Dr. Narindr at one of the links below.